Day One

One moment I was picking banana’s for my family and the next I was in a truck on my way to a camp. Not one of those camps where you sit by the campfire. No this was a camp made especially for the training of soldiers for the revolutionary army. It’s not like I chose this fate. If I had a choice, I would be at home with my mother, Señora Ramírez, the two babies, and my sister Concepción. Captain Mendoza was not at all kind with anything and the child that seemed fourteen years of age, Juan, was very patriotic towards the revolutionary army. He showed us where to get all of our things, which was very few. Juan was the one that lead us in the drill. Lolo and I got behind in our signals because of the forest being full of roots and bushes. We tripped and that made us look foolish in front of the captain. Lolo, Ignacio, and I are planning some way or form of escape from this camp. We are not sure how this will work since no one has escaped, but it will happen. Ignacio told me and Juan that there had been forty-two wars since 1900 and we were taking place in the 43^rd. When all the new-comers had received their guns, I was the first. I, Uno, received an AK-47, one that they had little ammo for. Training was very tough and there was no mercy or sympathy from anyone. No one here can be trusted. I of course trust Lolo and Ignacio, but that is all. The atmosphere here is so closed and full of worry and fear, but no soldier here shows it. The only reason that I will continue following orders of this army, is only to spare my own life. Everything else, in my opinion, is a lost cause.

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FROM FARMING TO KILLING

From farming

To killing.

I don’t know how this began.

They came

They grabbed us

They drafted us.

From playing in the meadow and bathing in the river

I now stand with a gun in the middle of the killing fields.

Hand on the trigger,

I know that the blood will start spilling.

Bodies will fall down on the brown ground,

And never move again.

Death is all we will know after this.

Us poor innocent little kids.

They drafted us.

From farming

To killing.

I don’t know how this will end.

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Day Two

Estoy en un guerra. But what is the point of war? Is there any? Well to me it’s a grouping of many violent actions, and I also think that there better be a good reason to do such things. I think that a revolution or a war is either logical, or senseless. They vary between reasoning and some; the reasoning is just not good enough. Perhaps this doesn’t matter for those who are feeding us and training us, but for those who are being fed and trained, we want to know why. Some children of war, like Juan, have a motive to keep them going, to keep them fighting those that are “wrong”. Do you think there is any way of telling who is right and who is wrong? I find that it would take a while to go deep into depth with everyone’s reasoning, and although some may not think so, the loyalists could be the good guys and so could we, the revolutionaries, be at the same time. Unfortunately most of us are not like that, and are left on the thought of bitter death coming our way and do not think of these questions. Is this right? I think not, but many may disagree with me. They may not know the reasoning of why all these wars and revolutions are going on, but they fight anyways, just because they feel they are protecting their family. Some may think that they know what the right way is, but honestly, can you tell right from wrong in every situation? I don’t think so, and I personally think that in this case, you cannot tell right from wrong. But that is just my opinion, the opinion of a child soldier. And I’m sure there are many that may disagree with me.

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Day Five

Finding two people in a forest where eleven other people had died made me think, “What if that were my family and that was me looking for my family?” It makes me great full. But seeing all those dead bodies really was a surprise to my eyes because in everyday life, you don’t see corpses on the ground. But the fact that there were two more people that had survived the attack, made me hopeful that there is always someone to protect those who you love. It really touched me when the girl, Magdalena, told us the story of how she protected the baby because her mother finally gave birth to a healthy boy. They make me think about all those families that were torn apart because of war and how civilians died just because they were in the wrong place at the wrong time. It makes me not want to be a soldier even more. But if this army is the good side, then I would do anything to save all the people de este país. So many innocent people die on our watch. I, Uno Ramírez, will try to be a better soldier in any way possible. I also think about how what if I weren’t drafted into the army? Would I be helplessly bleeding on the ground like those innocent people that were attacked by the loyalists? All these questions run through my head, and then I remember, as much as I hate being in the revolutionary army, it does in some way secure my safety. Always a thought that is being debated in my mind and then it always comes back to the fact that just seeing eleven helpless people changed my life forever. The worst part is, is that I know I will be seeing scenes like that again.

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Day Seven

Starting to see the boats floating down the river just made my heart beat faster than ever. Suddenly more advanced on the river behind the first one. Señor Díaz came to my side and assured me to shoot when he does. Thoughts raced through my head, all revolving around how I had not gotten enough training to be in this position. I have no preparation and yet I have to go and give it my all. I must shoot down anyone I see that is in the loyalist army. I remind myself that I will be killing innocent people that just like me had never imagined going into the army. I will be killing my own kind and yet I do it out of helping those of my army. An army that I had never thought of taking sides for. Both sides are guilty, and neither is the right or the wrong army. Now I think about how I am to kill someone. If I don’t kill someone, I will still be branded the baby of the squad, and I will tell myself that I am no soldier. Though killing someone that I had not even time to get to know now seems so wrong. But now I am one, I am a soldier. I shot across the river as the boats started to advance on our army. One after another I shot down the black figures that were sitting in the boats. By the end of it, there were no more people riding across the river. They were all killed and I had taken part in that killing. I am guilty of taking someone’s life for no good reason. I am a bad person. Yo soy un asesino.

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Day Eight

I finally have come to that stage. I am a soldier. The feeling is awful. Just running in the city of San Ildefonso where me and my family had once been happy celebrating Easter and now shooting down the loyalists made me not want to come back here again. But before I would have thought otherwise, before I knew that blood would be spilling on the ground where my family and I had walked with our very feet. War was the most horrible thing I had ever seen, heard, and felt. But being a soldier, I always remember, that if- no, when we win the revolutionaries will bring a better life. That is maybe not what I really thought, but it was what I had to believe to keep going on as a child of war. But I have learnt that it is not the worst fate to be a soldier. I would think that being captured and tortured would be the worst fate. What I am trying to say is everyone thinks that being a soldier is the worst thing you can be, even I thought that, but it’s not. In some cases it is the better route. Being able to fight for your country is all well, and I know that I will go home. I have learnt that having beans and a tortilla for every meal of every day is better than an empty stomach, and I would hope that you would think the same. I have learnt that being taken from my home may have been bad enough I would do anything to go back there, but ever since coming to the revolutionary army, I have learnt an incredible amount about myself and how great full I should be even if I’m not the most luckiest person, I’m luckier than many others. I am even luckier that I get to go home, to learn and become something other than a soldier. Soy muy suerte compara a otros.

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